Not My Favorite Person

So I went to the dentist yesterday (yes, I tell you everything) and I'm just gonna say right now...I will not be crushing on my dentist for many reasons, but firstly...because he gave me five cavities, potentially 7.

I know! Can you even believe that? We are good about going regularly to the dentist. I take pride in my good dental hygiene. I'm a bit compulsive about the brushing and flossing. In fact I (lovingly) tease my hubby about his (lack of) dental hygiene given the fact that every time he goes to the dentist he has like four cavities. Every time. I lecture him that he should give up the pop, floss more, brush more...blah, blah, blah...preachy, is what I am. And when we take the girlies in, I am always so proud when they come out cavity free...obviously they got my genes in the dental department. Loving that.

So we've all been to the dentist recently. Hubby too (four cavities). I think he complained his mouth hurt later that evening (Suck it up, son, I think is what I said). Then it's my turn to go. It's our first time to the dentist since we've moved here. It's a nice place. Very fancy pants. And as we get into the exam, I realize they are way ahead of the game. They don't polish the teeth, they spray them clean. And they don't do the standard poke and prod routine of looking for cavities and receding gum lines, they use this lazer doo-hickey that looks inside the tooth. Catches stuff almost before it happens. Like catches cavities before you can even see them with the naked eye. Better than an X-Ray apparently. Like once you see a cavity by X-Ray, I guess it's pretty bad (I had to watch a video on this). Oooh, and this doo-hickey is painless. Loving that. But I'm confident that all will be well, cuz I haven't had a cavity since I was like ten. Seriously. I know. I'm totally confident I am getting a sticker when I leave. I'll pick a rainbow.

So they inform me that I have seven cavities. What'choo talking about, Willis??? You must be mistaken. Nope. They are not. It's the lazer doo-hickey! Darn technology! Darn you, I say! But the good news is that two of the seven cavities are not too bad and I can most likely reverse them with proper dental hygiene (Are you talking to me?), so I just need to get five of them babies filled. Yeah. What a relief.

So I go in yesterday to get all five filled. Though I'm completely miffed I have a handful of cavities, I am not too worried about going. The dentist has never been really a big dealie to me. I'm tough and besides, it's not like it's gonna hurt or anything. Not like I'm getting a root canal. I find comfort in the fact that I'll be in and out. Within the hour. Piece of cake. Or should I say banana?

Yeah...not quite how it happened. See, given the fact that I haven't had a cavity since Michael Jackson was singing Beat It, I forgot that it does flipping hurt. That there are shots involved. In my case four shots. In my mouth. Granted, they numbed me up good, but still...shots in my mouth! They were nice enough to let me pick out a CD and handed over the headphones. I picked Shania Twain...she's good about taking me somewhere else and I so needed to go somewhere else. Then they hand me the sunglasses. Protection. And then I heard the word, "marathon". They were referring to my teeth...all that work they were about to do all at once. Okay, Shania...take me away.

So the dentist comes in and totally gets straight to work. He actually lowers the chair almost all the way to the ground (it feels like) and then puts the head part way, way, way lower than the feet part. So I'm basically standing on my head. Are you picturing this? Don't forget my headphones and sunglasses. And then I proceed to hold my mouth open for an hour. Wide. Can you say lock jaw? Yeah, I don't have a really big mouth (despite what you might have heard), so opening wide is kind of...um painful. Like at one point I think I had the tears. Not from the shots, or the drilling or anything really having to do with my teeth, but because my jaw hurt so bad. Like I was curling my toes, it hurt so bad (uncle, uncle, UNCLE!!!).

Okay, so you are picturing me standing on my head, mouth a-gape, sunglasses, chunky headphones, right? It gets better. They add this "teeth dam"...which is like this piece of latex thingy that they put over your mouth, and specifically over the one tooth they are working on at the time. Isolates the tooth. It covers your whole mouth (held in place with some metal thingy), so things don't fall in your mouth, down your throat etc...(what things?). So I'm feeling very Silence of the Lambs. I can't imagine what the flip is next. But I was almost wishing I could take a picture of this scene, cuz I feel you won't believe me. I was writing this post in my head (there were more swear words involved though), cuz Shania wasn't working her magic. I decided that a picture would be a bad idea though. I don't want you to remember me that way.

So an hour later. Yes, it was only an hour. Marathon. I have a whole new mouth. I have to say, it looks good (they showed me before and after pics). Once I got that dam off, got the blood flowing back dooooown my body and could actually close my mouth, I was feeling pretty good. I think I even said, "Thank you" to them. How could I?

So I won't be preaching to my hubby now about the cavities. I apologized. I have empathy now for him. I have learned something. Which is good. I am a little miffed I didn't get my rainbow sticker though.