Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Mom Suit vs. The Bikini Observation

In my last post, I shared a recent girlfriend getaway--

(in case ya missed it)

I left you with *quite* the doozie of a cliffhanger with my observation of The Mom Suit vs. The Bikini.  Let me explain, cuz I know you gotta know. 

The girlfriends and I spent some quality time in the pool over Memorial Weekend.  It was all I envisioned the week before, whilst walking through parking lot puddles in my flip flops during our all too frequent Portland downpours.  It is June, right? I will pay for sun, y'all.

Pretty soon into the pool festivities, I noticed all four my girlfriends and I were donning our "Mom Suits"...which goes a little something like this:

 (that is not me)

Super cute, right?  Totally.  So we were all wearing something like this.  Tankini's with the swim skirts, a.k.a.-- Mom Suits.  Perfectly fine.  I was peeeerfectly comfortable in my Mom Suit, hanging with my girls.  Of course, there was none of this going on in the vicinity either:

or this:

Or even this (and by "even this", I mean lame ol' Tom Cruise, cuz all I can see is Tom Cruise not Maverick nowadays.  And also, Goose frickin' rocks):

(you still with me?)

However, there was a lot of that going on at my brother's house in Tucson (minus the volleyball net and the Kenny Loggins playing in the back ground). 

After my girlfriend getaway weekend, I spent some time in Tucson with my brother and his wife.  It was at the tail end of Memorial Weekend and he may have had a "gathering"...for three days in a row. 

It was *quite* entertaining right off the bat.  Basically, Top Gun central, as my brother is in the Air Force and he and his friends were living every single bit of that Top Gun stereotype, around the pool and hot tub.  Nothing but Goose's and Maverick's and Iceman's eveeerywhere (including "resting" face down in the 3' x 3' patch-o-grass in his desert-ey backyard).  They all had the Arizona tans, the short and tight hairdids, Iceman smiles, and were "regulation fit".  Darn it. 

Here's where the bikinis come in.  Mixed in the ever-playing clip from Top Gun, there were also, OBVIOUSLY-10-years-younger than me, women girls there.  Just-a walking around, all beautiful and bikini-clad, only jiggling where 38-year-old women wearing Mom Suits want to jiggle.

All of a sudden my super cute Mom Suit was a potato sack. I found myself strategically positioning myself in certain ways to downplay my Mom body--crossing my legs this-a-way and that, facing the sun, not facing the sun, obsessively going between sitting on the side of the pool, the step and halfway submerged, as well as sitting and leaning back as far as I could without actually laying down to show that my stomach was *also* flat (darn bikini women).  Could I be any more uncomfortable?  No.  I can't even remember the last time I felt like that, no doubt due to not hanging around half naked with men in uniform (or rather, not in uniform) and not having the security of my kids to strategically cover things up distract me.

It finally occurred to me that no one could really see me through their blurry vision anyway.  I probably looked a'right. For a mom. I'm just going to say that.

And honestly, I would be totally disappointed in Maverick, Iceman and Goose if errrbody was NOT doing all of the above--cuz that's what you do when you're in your twenties, single/no kiddos and are straight out of the movie Top Gun.  Duh.  I seriously would've had to give them the stink eye, if they were all sharing a bowl of popcorn, watching the Twilight series when I got there.  

So after viewing that (beautiful) scene entirely too sober, for a couple hours, I traded in my Mom Suit/potato sack for what I now refer to as my Mom Clothes and declared I was going to leave now (Woooh, the sun makes me sleepy, does it make you sleepy? No?) and get some food, cuz apparently no one needs food when they are in their twenties (hence the bikinis).  I totally forgot. 

As always, the fun was good, Mom Suit vs. Bikini, and everything. And I didn't feel like death the next day.  38-year-old wisdom bonus!

Here's the brother looking just as he should:

And...for your viewing pleasure--The Volleyball Scene (I totally need to watch this movie right now):

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Girlfriend Getaway 2011

It's been a rough year so far, to say the very least. Lately I've felt the need for some space.  I need to breathe.  And think.  And breathe some more. I've been craving the kind of space that has a lot of sun, blue sky, a pool and three of my best girlfriends. I just want to pretend everything is okay pull myself together, if only for five straight days in a row.  Arizona provides this breathing room for me.  A respite. 

I grew up in Arizona, and being away from it for 19-ish years now, makes it quite special to me.  Every. time.  A lot of people close to my heart still live there, so it's easy to feel like I'm a little bit home when I'm there, too.

Last week, I met up with three of my best girlfriends for the third year in a row (thank you Facebook). In 2009 we gave this girlfriend getaway a whirl, and declared it a newfound tradition that is at the tip top of our "Must Have" lists (next to lip gloss and flushable wipes).

Once we got over the initial euphoria of being together again, we gladly assumed our positions (sprawled out over the kitchen counter eating chocolate cake), hunkered down for three days and two nights together (special thanks to their kiddos for letting me have them all to myself--and first choice of the room with the bunk bed).  As we moved from furniture piece to furniture piece, room to room, the conversation ebbed and flowed with stories of where our lives had taken us "since the last time". We took turns laughing and crying--literally toning muscles we forgot existed. We are rocking the Cheeks of Steel right now. I may have said, "I'm blogging this" about 157 times. I even took notes.


"Ghetto Housewives" (that is SO us)

"I can't believe people still smoke." (said by one-O-my girls, we will call her The Feisty One--and seriously people--STOP.IT. I want you to live.)

 Midgets Little People.  (nothing but a healthy observation that Little People were several places we were--Safeway, The Sandbar and in a chapter of Tina Fey's book, Bossypants I was reading whilst on the girlfriend getaway--we figured there was huge meaning in this--to be determined at a later time)

Staying "regular" on the girlfriend getaway. (for *some* of us this is an issue and the conversation may have come up several times, proving that we are 38)

Mom suits vs. the bikini (more to come on this observation, darn it)

10:00 p.m. Pajama Time on the first night of the girlfriend getaway (WHAT? Further proof that we are 38. Even more of a big dealie-O when Beautiful Neighbor--also 38-ish--came over and told us about her--just the heck happened--Vegas escapades that were very escapade-ey--you go girl--and how she only slept an hour and a half in three days.  That's a little bit awesome, but also makes me want to go to sleep right this second. Because I'm 38.)

"I don't wanna throw up." (enough said right there)

"I don't wanna go to jail." (good idea)

"We didn't pay our bill, officer." (i'm gonna let you wonder about that one, mmmmkkkk?)

Do you sense a girlfriend getaway theme here?  Let's just say our intentions were real good.  Garage fridge full of Coronas and Mirror Pond.  Don't tell anyone that the total amount of beer consumed out of the garage fridge by four women tired moms over three girlfriend getaway days was exactly FOUR. I laugh at this. We did better when we actually left the house.

We managed to (make ourselves) go out on night two to a hot spot, called The Sandbar. We arrived at 6:30 p.m., ordered a round of margaritas and by 6:50 p.m. (it was then necessary to order our next round before Happy Hour ended at 7:00 p.m.), we were The margaritas were delicious and strong. Like so strong  Noted. Next we ordered chips and queso and a lot of delicious fish tacos and didn't leave that joint for seven hours.  Seven. What? We had a really good table.  When we got our bill our poor waitress had to come back three times whilst we figured that sucker out. Let it also be noted that none of us on the girlfriend getaway are mathematicians--What is wrong with us?! 

Next day (minus throwing up and jail, but plus more cake), we saw Bridesmaids, which is THE PERFECT girlfriend getaway movie.  Put it on your list right now.  Right now. Look Away!

Oh, these girls. These girls keep my 38-year-old self grounded with encouragement, laughter and chocolate cake.  They are so good at this. I am just nothing but grateful.

Next up... I will discuss my observation of mom suits vs. bikinis, darn it. I know, TOTAL cliffhanger.      

Monday, June 6, 2011

The Sum of It

This sums up the last seven months of my life.