Thursday, September 5, 2013
My blog challenge today is: What Are You Afraid Of?
Oh, I've thought about this one a bit. It's a question with a lot of answers for me. And they change all the time, the more experience I have behind me, the older my kids get. The list is long.
I really try not to focus on my fear, and especially on things that I have absolutely no control over. It's mainly the things I do have some level of control over that keeps me up at night. Like teen pregnancy. Like loving these children, making them feel safe and grow confidently, so they are happy, kind, successful adults. Like food on the table, and making sure bills are paid. Like loving my partner and meeting his needs enough, that he won't leave me for someone else, eighteen years later. Those things.
My fears have by far graduated from spiders and things that go bump in the night to mainly my family. I'm very selfish that way. I fear one of my kids becoming addicted to drugs far more than I fear terrorism, war. Call me ignorant, but I do feel that so much of "what's out there" starts at home, under your own roof. I am raising what comes next. I am the example of a marriage, relationships, parenting, faith, adulthood, love, responsibility, etcetera...that my children see first. I am in their face every day. It's an enormous responsibility.
That said, I wouldn't change this enormous responsibility for anything. What a gift all of it is, in the end. The reward hugely outweighs the fear. And I don't live in a constant state of fear. Worry. That equals stress and I avoid stress. Downplay it. Pray. Lie to myself if I have to, to make it smaller. It creates cancer. Cold sores. It's just when the question is asked of what are you afraid of, it does make you sit and break it down. And I will say, that no matter what I'm afraid of, I will always take that step into the darkness, the unknown. It won't paralyze me. I have things to do.
The Instagram Challenge is: Leaves
Fall--the most wonderful time of the year!