Oh No You Didn't

I'm writing at 5:49 p.m., on a Tuesday.  Totally not like me, as I usually choose mornings to write like a champ.  But it's summer, everything's all blissfully upside down. My kids can wait for leftover nachos (leftover from last night as I had a sleepover with four giggly girls and cooked for an army). I'm listening to Maroon 5's song, "Misery".  Doesn't that sound like a downer of a song to be blogging to?  I love this song. Love it. It's not a downer.  For me.  I love that Adam Levine.  Damn sexy voice and I like what he says.

So I've been back from The Island for a week now and I'm STILL not happy about it.  When will I be okay with not being on an island?  Dang--you travel places and you think this is the stuff, and then you go to Kauai and you realize that there's MORE.  I really wondered if I died and went to Heaven.  I felt lucky the entire time I was there.  I could cry right now thinking about it.  Beautiful place, every where you look.  Everyone, let me say it again--EVERYONE, is nice.  Slow, island time.  Hawaiian Time.  It's a real thing, yo.  I never, ever-ah wanted to leave.  Just ship my kids and my dog to me, I am just not leaving. 

So I was very upset the day after we get back to the mainland, to get flipped off.  It's flippin' a week ago tomorrow that I got flipped off.  One day after getting back from MY happiest place on Earth, that I get a serious reality check.  I am STILL pissed about it (hold my rings, y'all). It'll probably help to write it out--therapy.  After I get done with my therapy session, I will go back in time and write about Arizona and Kauai.  Happy things. Of course, there were our TWO near death experiences I probably have to get out too.  Later.  I will entertain you with almost dying--TWICE (stay tuned).

So anyway--Last Wednesday (one day after getting home from Kauai), I dropped my girls off at camp and thought I'd stop by my parents' house and say hello and give them their matching tiki statues, as they live near the girls' camp.  I was driving down a back road I take all the time--it's 40 mph. No one was on the road with me.  All of a sudden--just like that-- someone's driving on my rear.  Like right up there.  I eye him in my rearview window and he is flipping me off!  Totally OBVIOUSLY flipping me off...I had a quarter of a mile to go to the light to turn off to my parents'.  It's just me and him.  I look again...he's intently flipping me off.  I saw exclamation marks.  Now I'm pissed.  It's not like I'm driving way slow or anything.  I'm doing 45--breaking the law, y'all.  He's just totally flipping me off.  (oooh, I'm getting all worked up all typing this out.  I can type really HARD if I want to).

Okay, so as a little side note, I will explain here that I never, ever-ah condone any sort of aggression on the road.  You just never know who is in that other car.  They will shoot you.  I know this.  I recite it to The Hubbs every single time as he does not enjoy driving at all.  At all.  He gets so stressed driving, every time.  That vein in the middle of his forehead is a constant companion when he's driving.  The boy cannot relax.  The goal, when he is driving is to get there.  Me, I love driving.  It's my thinking time.  I listen to music and chill.  The Hubbs is on the Nascar track every time. And ALL the other drivers are his competition.  It's personal.  It's a constant argument with us.  I am forever lecturing him about it.  You never know who is in that other car.  They will shoot you.

When I'm driving, I'm a "thank you" waver.  You let me in, I wave at you.  I get hurt feelings if I let you in and you don't "thank you" wave to me.  I drive five over the speed limit--safely.  I drive The Hubbs crazy right back.  It totally goes both ways.  Except, I am right.

ANYWAY...back to the story.  So I am SO PISSED this guy is flipping me off.  This just doesn't ever happen in my world.  I almost pulled over so he could pass me, but I was like, Nope.  You are a sucker and I'm not pulling over.  You don't just get to flip me off for no reason.  I could see there being a reason to flip me off.  I could have pulled out in front of him, if I did such things.  I could have flipped him off first, if I did such things.  Those are reasons.  There was none of that.  I was just driving.  Not even driving slow (to a reasonable human being).  The thought of abruptly stopping, so he would hit me crossed my mind.  Doesn't it always when you have someone on your tail?  But I had things to do and didn't have time for a full on accident. 

So we get to the light.  I'm turning left (no one in my lane) and he's going straight (four cars stopped at the stop light that he'll be stopped behind).  I love when people are in such a friggin' hurry to STOP and WAIT at a light.  That's what you get SUCKER.  So I pull in the turning lane and stop, before I'm at the light, waiting for him to pull up next to me.  I roll down my passenger window and wait for him.  He pulls up next to me--his windows are down--I yell over to him--REAL CLASSY!  I know--you are totally impressed with my word choice. I'm really friggin' tough. Can you see that you don't mess with me?  I waited.  Where's his middle finger now? He's my age--maybe a little younger.  He doesn't look like a thug. I would possibly hang with him in another circumstance. He wouldn't even look at me.  Wouldn't even look at me! Oooh, that just upped the ante. Tough guy.  LOOK AT ME, MR. FLIPS ME OFF FOR AN ENTIRE 1/4 MILE AND THEN HAS TO STOP AT A RED LIGHT BEHIND FOUR CARS AND WAIT FOR THE LIGHT TO TURN GREEN. Ooooh, I was so pissed.  I know my word choice didn't reflect that, but I was--STILL AM.  I was ready to get out and fight.  I'm really scrappy. 

I don't know what came over me. I would usually NEVER. I normally would have pulled over instantly and let the guy pass me, sign-language-ing, "sorry, sorry, sorry..." to him as he passed me--can I offer you some gum? Or would I have?  You think you know yourself.  In my head, that's not really like me at all. I imagine myself to be a turn the cheek kind of girl.  I am naturally a lover.  I love you, easily. It's my first reaction. I forget I'm a Taurus, though.  A bull.  Feisty, when provoked. I was shocked that I was getting flipped off in real life.  I just got home from Kauai, for goodness sakes.  It's like the nicest place-ever-ah.  People don't flip off people in Kauai (don't tell me they do).  I was still high off of a killer tan, fish tacos and pina coladas.  This guy burst my bubble.  I don't liiiike.

Again--don't do this at home, folks.  I don't recommend.  But at the same time, let this be a lesson.  Do not flip off people that JUST got back from Kauai.  They will blog about you.